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Dr. Shirley explains how you get stuck in ruts, gives you scientific proof that you can change, and then shows you how. She applies the latest research on brain science to explain how your earliest attachments help shape your brain and greatly influences the beliefs, patterns, and behaviors you have as an adult.
- Sales Rank: #246534 in eBooks
- Published on: 2012-05-23
- Released on: 2012-05-23
- Format: Kindle eBook
From the Back Cover
Stuck in the same dead-end job? Always attracted to the same type of person? Crave success but can’t manage to get ahead? Ever asked yourself, Why can’t I change? In Why Can’t I Change? How to Conquer Your Self-Destructive Patterns, leading psychologist Shirley Impellizzeri, PhD, explains how you get stuck in ruts, gives you scientific proof that you can change, and then shows you how. Dr. Shirley applies the latest research on brain science to explain how your earliest attachments help shape your brain and greatly influence the beliefs, patterns, and behaviors you have as an adult. Discover your attachment style to better understand yourself and put an end to dysfunctional patterns of behavior.
About the Author
Dr. Shirley Impellizzeri received her doctorate in psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles, and has a successful private practice in Beverly Hills, California. Her work focuses on individuals, families, couples group therapy, and hypnosis. She has been featured on Dr. Drew Celebrity Rehab-Sex Addiction and the third season of Dr. Drew Celebrity Rehab.
Most helpful customer reviews
8 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
Reader Beware!
By Mazman
Interesting! I am not a big fan of self help books but this one caught my eye. Fortunate for me it was an easy read and tapped into a lot of relevant 'stuff'. It opened my eyes (and yes! my mind) to how attachments from a primary caregiver during childhood can greatly impact adult behaviors (no blaming - Mom did all she could with 4 kids!). The greatest value for me came from identifying my emotional 'triggers' and how substantially they impact my current communication and view of myself! Fortunately for me Dr. Shirley does not dwell on the past, explains it is never too late and shows you how you CAN change!
Caution! Reading this book will help your relationship but identifying your own role (OK faults) in communicating with your significant other may increase your responsibility for helping the relationship evolve. Trust me! It is well worth the effort (and the read!). Now if I can just get my partner to read the book...
7 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Looking Underneath the Psychological Hood
By S. Cranow
Ever catch yourself getting in your own way? Perhaps you are upset that you are not so successful yet youy have been offered several promotion only to turn them down. You find yourself afraid of more responsibility and are deathly afraid of making a mistake that will mess everything up. Perhaps your track record in relationships ain't all to terrific. Getting too close scares you and sometimes the relationships are not close enough that you wonder if your partner really cares about you.
What does it all boil down to. THe author here likes to link it to the parenting styles that our parents rasised us up with. There are healthy styyles where our primary caregiver which is usually the mother is always there and pays proper attention to us. They validate our feeling and if they make a mistake they fix and properly apologize for it, something called repair. Ambivalent parents are kind of flakey and unreliable. Sometimes they are their and sometimes they are not. THis produces someone who is very needy and attention seeking. Everything also worries them. THese sorts need lots of validation. The last type is the parent who is not there. THe child raised in this get a sense of false independence and unreal detachment. Sometimes they do not like it if you cozy up to them too much.
Perhaps the part I found most interesting was the part about the brain functions. The amydala is the fear detector or threat detector. The Hippocampus is our memory recorder and when things are stressfull or frightening it does not record all that accurately. OUr sympathetic nervous system gears us up for flight or fight responses.The parasympathetic gets us calmed down. Events in our life cause these diferent brain centers to work differently. If there is a lot featr our amygdala gets over sized if everything is calm and cool then our brain develops normally.
When people have a messed up background and they find their life is a mess they tend to use a variety of defenses to cover up the problem. Such defenses could include rationalization,sublimation, displacement and a host of others.
The first trick is tyo be aware of our triggers and emotions. Another trick is to go back to that old memory and change the outcome. This makes it less threatening. In addition to awareness there is grounding and staying in the moment.
I do not normally like psychology or self help books and I normally do not like books that point everythig back to the parents. Yet I have found that this books gives lots of insight into the hyuman psyche and that there is lots of useful info here to help overcome your issues.
6 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
One of the Better "Self Help" Books I've Read
By laconfidential
Overall, one of the better "self-help" books I've read over the years. I would definitely recommend it.
WHAT I LIKE:
The author does not preach or talk down to you.
The book is very well organized (bold headlines, clear font, work space)
The author presents a compelling argument on why we do the things we do - and how to break unhealthy patterns.
CAUTION:
You have to read the book with an open mind - and be willing to do a lot of self-reflection.
Set aside a certain amount of time to read the book each day and write down your thoughts (find a quiet place). The chapters build on each other and a bigger picture is revealed with each one.
Don't expect that after you finish reading this book, your troubles will be over. But, with the awareness this book will bring you, and the tools it provides, you should find yourself on a healthier course.
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